Daddy's Virgin Page 20

  He gave me a cheeky grin, and I knew immediately something was up. “Something is new with you,” I said. “Am I right?”

  “Well…”

  “Do tell,” I insisted.

  “I met someone,” he admitted.

  “Well, well—”

  “Shut up,” Luis laughed. “Her name’s Catherine. She’s a nurse in the pediatric unit of the All Saint’s Hospital.”

  “How did you meet her?”

  He laughed. “It’s a funny story, actually,” he said. “We had this party for my brother’s kid, and he ended up having an allergic reaction to some cupcakes that Dad bought for the party. We had to rush him to the hospital, and Catherine was the nurse that attended to him.”

  “Fuck, that’s some story,” I said.

  “Some would call it a meet-cute.”

  “Is that the technical term?” I laughed.

  “I think it’s the movie term.”

  “Since when do you know about movie terms?” I asked.

  “Since Catherine loves romantic comedies and old romantic movies,” Luis said.

  I raised my eyebrows. “You watch old romantic movies with her?”

  “Well…yeah.”

  “Wow, you must really like this girl, huh?”

  Luis looked down at his beer without responding immediately, and that small action by itself told me that he liked this girl a lot, probably more than he wanted to.

  “She’s not like any of the other girls I’ve been with.”

  “What’s different about her?”

  “She doesn’t seem scared by the fact that I’m in the military,” he said. “In fact, she’s interested in hearing about my life there. She’s honest, she’s straightforward, and she’s… I don’t know; she just has something.”

  I smiled. “Sounds like you more than just like this girl,” I said. “Sounds like you might be falling for her.”

  “I’m not,” Luis said. “But I know that if I keep this up, I could fall for her.”

  “And that’s a bad thing because…”

  “Because I’m deploying soon,” he said. “I’m only in town for a few more weeks. And I’ve always promised myself that I would never get seriously involved with a woman while I’m still in the military.”

  “Why?”

  “Because it’s unfair to her; because she would spend half her life waiting for me and then…what if I don’t come back?”

  I thought instantly about Henry and Daphne. Henry didn’t have a wife or children, but he did leave behind parents who loved him like crazy, and his death and destroyed their marriage. I thought about all the friends I had lost during my career. In total, I had watched three brothers die; one had given his last breath right before my eyes. Luis had been around during that time, and he had seen how much Michael’s death had affected me.

  “You’re thinking about Michael, aren’t you?” Luis asked, as though he had been reading my mind.

  I nodded. “I haven’t thought about him in a long time…mostly because his last moments haunt me to this day.”

  “That’s right,” Luis nodded. “You were the one who was with him.”

  I nodded. “He was bleeding out, and I knew our pickup was still at least fifteen minutes away. I think we both knew he wouldn’t make it.”

  “You’ve never really spoken about that with me.”

  “I never spoke about that with anyone,” I said. “I couldn’t—it’s one thing to be aware of death, and it’s another thing to see death right in front of you. It was one of the most confronting experiences of my life. He had a wife and two kids back home.”

  “I know,” Luis nodded.

  “He didn’t mention them, though,” I said. “People always assumed that he did…but he was just scared for himself. He didn’t want to die, and he knew he had no choice.”

  “Michael and I were friends,” Luis said tiredly. “I met his wife several times, and his children.”

  “That’s right,” I nodded. “I remember.”

  “Emma was his high school sweetheart; they got married right after their graduation when they were both eighteen. Emma was pregnant with Katie.” Luis got quiet for a second, and I knew he was thinking about Michael’s widow and the children he’d left behind. “I went to see Emma and the kids a few months ago when I first got here.”

  “How were they?” I asked.

  “Katie’s seven,” Luis said, in awe of time and how ruthless it could be. “Peter’s five. They don’t really remember Michael at all… They know him from the pictures, but they have no real memory of him.”

  “And Emma?”

  “Emma’s…bitter,” Luis admitted. “She’s still angry with the world—with God, with life. You just need to be angry at something.”

  “Hey, I get that,” I said. “I was angry for a long time, too.”

  “If I remember correctly, you were angry up until a few months ago—when you started dating Kristen.”

  I smiled. “The easiest way to move on is to meet someone that can make you forget, someone who can make you hopeful again,” I said. “Not everyone is that lucky.

  “No, I suppose not. I don’t think Emma even wants to meet someone else. It’s like Michael died only recently, the way she talks. It’s a hard thing to endure and… I just don’t want to put someone else through that.”

  “By someone, you mean Catherine?”

  “She’s a good woman,” he confided. “Getting involved with her and staying with her means that I’m opening up the possibility of a future with her, and that means marriage and children. I’m not ready to leave the military yet, which means she there’s a possibility she might end up as an army wife.”

  “You’re scared that Catherine will end up living the life that Emma is currently living?”

  “Yes,” Luis sighed. “Which is why I’m thinking of breaking up with her before I leave.”

  “But you don’t want to?”

  “No, I don’t,” he said decidedly.

  “Then I think you would be making a mistake by breaking up with her,” I said honestly. “She’s a grown woman, and she’s aware of the life you’ve chosen. You said it yourself; she’s interested in your military career, which means she’ll understand what she’s getting into. Maybe you should let her decide what she wants to do.”

  “But—”

  “You don’t have to marry her anytime soon,” I pointed out. “Take things easy and see where it goes. If what you have with her is real, it will survive everything, including time and distance.”

  Luis smiled at me and took a sip of his beer.

  “What?” I asked.

  “Nothing,” he said. “It’s just that she’s really done a number on you.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Kristen,” Luis said. “You’ve really fallen for her, haven’t you?”

  I paused. “She’s helped me move on,” I nodded.

  “Which she could have only done if you’re feelings for her were strong enough,” he pointed out.

  I sighed. “I don’t know if the feeling’s mutual, though,” I admitted.

  He frowned. “What do you mean?”

  “I don’t know… Lately, I’ve been getting strange vibes from her,” I said. “As though she’s nervous about something. Sometimes I feel as though she’s sacred about us.”

  “Scared?”

  “Yeah… I mean, I don’t think I’ve been putting pressure on her.”

  Luis laughed. “What was the tipping point?”

  “Well… Awhile back I mentioned wanting to meet her parents,” I said. “And she clammed up after that.”

  “Why?”

  “She has a bad relationship with her parents,” I said. “She’s told me all about her father, and he definitely seems like an asshole so I get that she might not want me to meet him. But both her parents?”

  “Well, if she has a bad relationship with both of them, surely you can understand why she might not want you to meet them,” he said. �
��I mean, you want to present yourself in the best possible light to the people you care about. She’s probably just embarrassed.”

  “I know she is,” I said. “But it’s not just her reluctance about that. Even when she talks about her past and her family and her adolescence, I feel as though she’s holding something back. At first, I thought she was hiding something from me, but then I realized it might not be that at all. Maybe she just doesn’t feel comfortable enough with me to share everything.”

  “Well then, you need to find out what it is,” Luis said. “But in my opinion, this woman is staying home to look after your kid…it sounds like she’s just as into you as you are into her.”

  “You think?” I asked, clinging to that hope.

  “I think,” Luis smiled. “But what the hell do I know? I haven’t even met this girl. I suggest you talk to her about it if it’s bothering you.”

  “I don’t want to spook her.”

  He looked at me with patience. “She’s spending time with your kid, Jake,” he said. “You don’t want the kid to get too attached if Kristen’s not going to be in your life for the long haul.”

  “I know,” I sighed.

  “You know you might just be reading too much into this,” he pointed out. “Or maybe I’m not seeing something that’s right in front of my face.”

  Luis glanced at me sympathetically. “Or maybe we’re both just a couple of broken men trying to save ourselves more heartbreak somewhere down the line.”

  I smiled. “That’s possible, too.”

  “I’d like to meet her one day, Jake,” Luis said.

  “I hope you will,” I said.

  “Does that mean marriage is on the table?” he asked with one raised eyebrow.

  “I don’t know,” I said, realizing that I might actually want to walk down that road again.

  “You hope so, don’t you?”

  I sighed. “I actually think I do. Can you believe that?”

  “Of course, I believe that,” he said. “You never really got a chance at a real married life or at a real family. Why wouldn’t you want that now?”

  “Because I could stand to lose it?”

  “Then ask yourself: is it worth the risk?” Luis said. “And if it is, no matter how much heartbreak might come from it, do it anyway.”

  Chapter Thirty-two

  Kristen

  “Can I try one?” Noah asked impatiently.

  “They’re still hot, sweetheart,” I told him. “Just give them five minutes, and they’ll be ready for dunking.”

  “They look so good.”

  “They do, don’t they?” I nodded. “These were my favorite snack to make when I was ten.”

  Noah’s mouth formed a little ‘o’ shape. “You knew how to make cookies when you were ten?”

  “I sure did,” I nodded.

  “Your mommy didn’t make them for you?”

  I hesitated a moment, remembering my lonely childhood. Mom had mostly been working, and whatever free time she did have left over was spent on her friends. Of course, when Ted deigned to give her the time of day, nothing could keep her from his side. She would even miss work in order to stay at home and be with him.

  Shortly after my tenth birthday, Ted decided to come and spend the weekend with us. He’d bought Mom flowers that looked like they’d been hacked from a neighbor’s backyard, and he had bought me a teddy bear with one eye. He’d claimed that the eye had popped out when he was removing it from the car, but I had never believed that story.

  He and Mom spent the whole morning in her room, and I had to listen to a never-ending loop of moans and creaks. I took the radio into my room and listened to music until I had managed to drown them out. That afternoon when I emerged from my room, it was to find Mom and Ted in the hall pawing at one another.

  “Kris,” Mom said. “How would you feel about spending the evening alone, all by yourself like a big girl?”

  I had frowned at her in confusion. “Where are you going?”

  “Daddy and I are going out for a while… We haven’t seen each other in so long,” she said. “You want Mom and Dad to have time alone together, right?”

  “Yes,” I had replied because that was the only answer she wanted to hear.

  Smacking her hands together, Mom had jumped up excitedly. Then she had disappeared into her room to change. Ted had sat on the sofa and tried to engage me in conversation.

  “How old are you now?” he had asked me. “Seven?”

  “Ten.”

  “Wow, you’re kinda small for a ten-year-old.”

  When Mom emerged again, she was wearing a short red dress and a face full of makeup. Somehow, she looked ten years older to me. They left the house without looking back, and I walked around, wondering why my parents were so different from everyone else’s. That was when I decided to bake cookies. For the first time, the house was completely mine, and I could do whatever I wanted. And what I really wanted was a chocolate chip cookie.

  I found a recipe book and followed the instructions diligently. Within the hour I had fat, chunky chocolate chip cookies and a deep and satisfying sense of accomplishment. I had piled the cookies into a bowl, headed into my room, and spent the whole evening and most of the night eating cookies and playing with my imaginary friends. And for just a few hours, I forgot that I had strange parents. I forgot that I was alone. I even forgot that I had no friends. It was enough to just sit there and eat cookies. Which was why I had always had a fondness for baking and cookie eating.

  “My mommy was too busy to bake me cookies,” I told Noah honestly.

  He looked sadly at me. “Really?”

  “Yeah.”

  Noah looked sad for me, and I felt a burst of love for him. He was such a sensitive and compassionate child. I kissed his forehead and then pushed the tray of cookies towards him. “Go ahead,” I said. “I think they’re cool enough now.”

  Noah was eating his first cookie when Jake walked in. It was earlier than I had expected to see him, and I jumped up in excitement. “You’re back,” I said.

  I was just about to run into his arms when I remembered Noah. Even though the three of us spent a lot of time together, Jake and I were careful about being affectionate in front of Noah. We didn’t want him to get invested in our relationship just yet. It was merely a safety precaution, but sometimes I wished we didn’t have to be so careful.

  “How was your boys’ night?” I asked, reigning in my enthusiasm and sitting back down.

  “Good,” Jake replied. “Noah? Can I get a hello?”

  Noah looked up at his father and smiled. “We made cookies, Daddy.”

  He laughed. “I can see that. Is that the reason I’m being neglected by my favorite son?”

  Noah giggled. “I’m your only son.”

  “Here you go,” I said, pushing a cookie towards him. “Go crazy.”

  We spent a good half an hour eating cookies and swapping stories about our day. Noah sat on my lap and gave Jake a play by play of everything we had done.

  “The fort’s still up, I see,” Jake said.

  “I can take it down in the night,” I said.

  “No!” Noah said, looking towards his fort.

  Jake laughed. “Let’s leave it up,” he said. “I think it gives character to the room.”

  “Me, too,” Noah piped up.

  Noah ended up falling asleep in my arms, and I kissed his cheek softly as I brushed the hair from his face. He looked so peaceful in sleep; all I wanted to do was kiss him all over. When I looked up, I realized that Jake was watching me carefully. I wondered if it upset him to see his son being mothered by someone other than Daphne. For a second, I wasn’t sure if he was touched by the sight or angered by it.

  “I’d better get him to bed,” Jake said, rising to his feet and reaching out for Noah.

  We made the transfer smoothly, and Jake disappeared down the hall with Noah in his arms. I took the time to clear up a little in the living room. When I turned, I realized tha
t Jake was leaning against the wall, watching me work.

  “Hi there,” I said. “How long have you been standing there?”

  He smiled. “A minute or two.”

  “You could have said something.”

  “I liked my view,” he replied. “And, I wanted to admire it for a moment.”

  I tried to hide my blush from him by turning towards the sink to wash the remaining dishes. A second later, I felt Jake’s arms encircle me as his body closed in on mine. It felt so good to be near him. I missed everything about him when he was not with me, including his smell.

  He closed the tap and pushed the dish out of my hands. “Leave it,” he said. “I’ll do it later.”

  “It’ll only take me a minute,” I said, enjoying the way he was running his hands up and down my legs.

  “Leave it,” he said again.

  Slowly and deliberately, he turned me around to face him. His blue eyes were soft and thoughtful, and I noticed there was a deeper emotion beneath them.

  “How was Luis?” I asked.

  “He’s leaving soon,” Jake replied. “He wants to meet you one day.”

  I smiled. “I’d like to meet him, too.”

  “Would you?”

  “Of course… I want to meet your friends and your family.”

  “But you don’t want me to meet yours?”

  I tensed a little. “Only because I don’t want you to think badly of me.”

  “That’s not possible,” he assured me.

  I shook my head and removed myself from his arms as I walked over to the living room. “Everything is possible,” I said, sitting down on the sofa.

  Jake followed me there and sat down beside me. “Did Noah tire you out?”

  “Not at all,” I assured him. “It was so much fun spending time with him today. I love that kid.”

  “I think it’s safe to say he loves you, too,” Jake said.

  I glanced over at him. “And…how do you feel about that?”

  He took my hand and kissed it tenderly. “I feel a little scared,” he admitted. “But I also feel really happy.”

  I smiled despite myself. “Yeah?”

  “Yeah,” he nodded. “I watch you with him, and it just feels so natural. I can see that you have a connection with him. It’s impossible to deny.”