Power #2 (The Power Romance Series - Book #2) Read online

  I sat at my desk, feeling the chair dip beneath me. I cleared my throat, feeling such anxiety as I passed my eyes over my crew. This crew had been entrusted to me; I was meant to watch over it, to cultivate it.

  Xavier appeared in the doorway, watching over all of us just as I was watching over them. I placed my hands onto my keyboard and began writing up a decidedly terribly email to another backer, something that I immediately deleted after I wrote it, my eyebrows still narrowed over my eyes. I had to get through the goddamned day.

  Denise, from the previous day, approached my desk once more. In an uneasy, shaking voice, she tapped her pen against her portfolio and began speaking to me in what I was sure was English. I couldn’t understand her at all; the rushing in my brain was filtering out her words. I nodded as she tapped. Finally, I agreed to whatever she’d stated to me, and I watched her walk away with such stunning confidence. I had been her, only a few years before. I was only twenty-eight years old.

  And already, I was ruined.

  I considered going into the president’s office and exposing Jason. I considered telling him what was going on, allowing him to arrest him. Before that day, Xavier had been someone I could trust. He had been more than a friend. He’d been someone I could laugh with over lunch, someone I was sure who held a comprehension of who I was and what I had gone through in order to get to the top.

  However, I knew that if Jason didn’t hear wind of a promotion soon, he would expose the photos.

  Suddenly, my computer bleeped at me, forcing my eyes to the screen. Suddenly, the computer showed an image of the president and I, both of us undressed and touching each other, our eyes closed. I saw such supreme desire on my face.

  I snapped the computer closed before me, my face burning with such anger. I looked toward Jason, who continued to tap along at his own desk. However, his face reeked of guilt. He was teasing me.

  I continued staring at him until he turned toward me and raised his eyebrows, mouthing the words:

  “I’m coming for you.”

  The words sent my heart directly into my stomach. I wanted to start crying. I brought my hands up to my forehead and felt my feet on the ground, bringing me up into the air. I sauntered toward the Oval office, where I knew the president was sitting, waiting for me to approach him

  Finally, I found myself at the door of the Oval office. Outside, Nikolay stood, his face grim and long. “Amanda,” he said, nodding at me curtly.

  “I require a brief meeting with the president to discuss his campaign,” I stated, my voice spewing with professionalism. I could turn it on when I needed it.

  “Absolutely, campaign manager,” Nikolay stated. His voice held none of the warmth of the previous years of our friendship. He flung his hand toward the doorknob and opened it, revealing the stunning, light-filled oval office before me.

  I entered the doorway and found myself face-to-face with the president once more. When I thought about it, I could nearly feel his mouth over my nipple, our tongues grasping at each other as we made love in my apartment.

  I cleared my throat. “There’s something I must discuss with you, Mr. President.”

  Xavier stood. His eyes looked at me with such familiarity. I knew that he felt terrible about the morning; I knew that he felt that I was backing away from our half-hearted relationship, unsure. But he didn’t know why.

  “Amanda. Hello. I’m glad you came.”

  I opened my mouth, my mind spinning. My anger was spewing in my heart. If only Jason hadn’t spied on me, I would be in Xavier’s lap now, kissing him. Falling for him. Laughing with him. But Jason had cut between us like a knife. I was so incredibly angry, because I’d planned to have this conversation with the president, anyway. I wanted to put Jason ahead. Not in my position, certainly. But I wanted him to succeed. At least: in that eternity that I would always call “before the photos” in my mind.

  “I wanted to talk with you about Jason,” I said. I tugged at my oversized black jacket, nodding to him assertively.

  Xavier sat down, gesturing forth to allow me to sit on the other side of his desk. “Please.”

  I cleared my throat and sat, my eyes still peering over his shoulder and not toward his eyes. I could hardly look at him without being filled with desire. “I—“

  “You don’t think he’s working out,” the president stated, interrupting me. “He seems much like a slimy snake to me. We can fire him immediately. I can have a whole series of interviewees to you in just the afternoon.”

  God, Xavier. Just shut up, I wanted to say to him. I couldn’t, of course.

  I cleared my throat. “On the contrary, Mr. President—“ I spoke. There was such tension between us. I knew he wanted to fuck me in that moment; I knew he wanted to take me, there, on his presidential desk. “Jason is a true attribute to our mission here on the campaign trail. In fact, I would like to step down and allow him to move forward with the campaign. I’ll work beneath him; I wouldn’t abandon the campaign in a million years, of course.” I cleared my throat. I watched as his eyes lowered to the ground, disappointed. I knew that he felt I was doing this because of the other night, because I felt uncomfortable in his presence. I knew he felt he would never see me alone again. He was right.

  “I’m sorry you feel this way, Amanda,” he whispered. His voice was so sad, filled with unhappiness. “I believe that you’re doing a fine job at the helm of the campaign. Suppose I didn’t allow you to quit?” His eyes turned up toward me, catching me for the first time. Our eye contact seemed to spew fire. I swallowed.

  I shook my head. “There’s no possible way I can move forward at the helm of this campaign. I am sincerely sorry, Mr. President,” I said as resolutely as I could muster.

  I bowed my head toward him, reducing our eye contact. I wondered if he could tell that something was afoot—that I was being controlled, in a way. I wondered if he could smell it on me: the betrayal.

  Even as I stood before the president, listening to the silence between us, I could feel Jason’s hand around my throat, forcing me to say everything I was saying. I’d never been in this position before: this position in which I was meant to be eternally at the mercy of someone else—in which I gave up my position of power so that another person could take over.

  “I’m sorry to hear this, Amanda,” he said again. He bowed his head, bringing his fingers together. “Please. Send Jason into the office so that I can de-brief him for his role.”

  I nodded, spinning back around. I felt like I had just taken a bullet in the war, that I was being sent back to the hospital even while the war raged on. I exited the beautiful office, knowing that I wouldn’t spend much time there anymore.

  Nikolay, on the outside of the Oval office, sniffed at me as I exited. “How did it go in there?” he asked me gruffly.

  I knew he thought I’d just fucked Xavier, that I was “that kind of woman” now.

  Although, I suppose, I was.

  I flung my head toward him and whispered harshly in his face. “Don’t you dare fuck with me.”

  And then I walked back down the hallway, feeling enraged. I could feel Nikolay’s eyes on me. I felt terrible, truly. I knew that beyond anything else, Nikolay was one of the only people I could trust in the White House. He was a good ally, especially in the face of Jason’s terror over me. However, I felt too proud in these moments to do anything but spew hatred and anger toward him.

  I was on the verge of a breakdown.

  I sauntered back into the room that was spewing with such activity. The campaign trail was hot, and we were in the pit of the fire. I turned toward Jason, wanting to spit on him in that moment. His eyes met with mine, and there was humor lurking beyond there—like this was all some big, made-up joke.

  “He wants to see you,” I whispered, gesturing with my head to the left, toward the Oval Office.

  Jason stood, pulling at his shift and subsequently yanking it from his belt once more. He sniffed and leaned toward me, kissing me on the cheek. “I knew
you’d do the right thing,” he whispered, winking at me.

  And then he walked down the hallway, toward the Oval Office, with such haughtiness. I watched as Nikolay opened the Oval Office door for him, looking confused. Nikolay turned toward me, his eyes dark, searching.

  But I spun back toward my desk, nearly tripping on the chair of one of my employees. I righted myself, feeling my head spinning. I yelled at the man before me: “GET BACK TO WORK!” even as he began to kneel down and help me to my feet. I felt the anger growing in a million different ways and I wouldn’t allow anyone to assist me. I had to destroy this on my own.

  I would get back to the top. I just didn’t know how, yet. I didn’t know how.

  Chapter 4

  I finished the remainder of the day: answering emails, barking the occasional order. It was clear that Jason would eventually make the announcement that he was above me, soon. But I didn’t want to make the announcement yet. I wanted to dwell in the remainder of my high status before everything came crashing down.

  I ended my day rather early, however, wanting to get out of there. Again, I brought my cardigan around my body and scurried away from the White House—the very home in which I’d felt so sure of myself, just weeks before. When I’d interviewed with Xavier. When I’d wanted him, all the while knowing that I could never, in a million years, have him.

  A million years had happened since then, of course.

  I hailed a taxi and collapsed into it, still thinking about Jason. I hated that after a few days of thinking only about love, I was now rooted in the comprehension of hatred. I just wanted revenge on this man. I wanted to find my way through his terror and come out on top. But I didn’t know how.

  As we zoomed away from the White House, I had a sudden idea. I called up to the taxi driver. “Sir? Could we stop at the monuments? I—I want to take a walk.” I swallowed. I hadn’t taken time to myself like this in years and years: time in which I was meant to reflect, to enjoy my life. In this moment of sheer rage, I knew I needed to take a moment to appreciate everything.

  The taxi stopped at the outset of the great park. I paid him extra to wait for me, and I bounced into the open air. It was September, and summer was filtering away from us. I could smell the winter in the air. For some reason, I could taste Christmas cookies; I could imagine the holiday season.

  I neared the Washington Monument, then, shoving my hands into my pockets. I sighed before it, remembering that eternally, this monument gave me such promise. Now, it simply gave me peace from all the sadness lurking in my mind. The great spear reflected across the water, signifying all the history pulsing beneath the surface of this Washington D.C. earth.

  I remembered that in the past, when I’d faltered—if only for a moment—I’d been able to turn to my roving brain in order to come up with a plan. But there, in front of the Washington monument, I couldn’t feel anything in my mind but despair. I reached into my pocket and brought out a quarter. Washington’s face glinted at me: but nothing lurked beneath his eyes. I tossed the coin into the water, feeling at a loss for my future.

  I turned back and ran toward the taxi, feeling such desire in my soul. For something. For what? I needed the president to love me, to want me. And in some ways, I knew he did. But I needed so much more, as well.

  It was like I was meant to choose between evil and good. It was like between choosing between my wants and needs. It was like I was pressed against the wall without any air pulling into my lungs, just grasping and gasping.

  “Take me home,” I whispered to the taxi driver as I lurched into the great vehicle, feeling my body quivering. “Take me home.”

  The following days at the office seemed to pass without notice. I began to get used to the feeling of being under someone’s thumb—something that I never thought I would think, truly. But I passed by Jason’s desk every day and began to grow used to his leering smile; I began to understand that he was just a man utilizing me as a pawn. This was something that had been done all throughout history, without fail. I was sure that George Washington, himself, had even used people as pawns in the past. It was a matter of course on your way to the top.

  Three days after I’d recommended Jason for the higher-up position, I received a call on my desk phone.

  “Amanda?” the voice said.

  I realized I hadn’t seen Xavier in a number of days, not since I’d recommended Jason. I swallowed.

  “Mr. President. Would you like me to alert the campaign leader?”

  “No, Amanda. I’d like to see you in my office.”

  I swallowed, peering at my computer. It was so bright before me. It was like I couldn’t hear anything anymore, like I was alone in this raucous world of politics.

  “Amanda. Did you hear me?”

  “I heard you,” I whispered. But I could hardly hear myself.

  “Please, Amanda. Come to my office.” The voice was nearly pleading. It was ringed with some sort of despair.

  I hung up the phone without answering and stood, tugging at my dress once more. I began walking toward the edge of the room. I felt Jason’s eyes on me. He looked at me so in a snarky manner—revealing to me that he was my superior. I allowed my eyes to graze over him. I knew that the president’s call was about more than the escalation of Jason’s career. I knew it was about our relationship—about the undercurrent of our normal conversation. I still had so many, many feelings for him. My stomach turned and I quickened my step.

  Another secret service agent stood outside the Oval Office door, standing tall. I stopped before him, without speaking. The man turned the handle and allowed me to enter.

  Outside, it was a grey September day. I sniffed and tapped in, noting that the president had turned the chair away from me, toward the window. He was looking at the rain.

  Before I could speak, he interrupted my thoughts. “Quite a bleak day, Amanda,” he stated. His voice was gruff.

  “Yes,” I quivered. “It certainly is.”

  He swung around, then. His fingers were laced together. He looked very much like a cartoon version of a world leader. He gestured forward, offering me the seat before him once more.

  “Is there something wrong with the campaign?” I asked him.

  But he just waved his hand before his face, shaking his nose with an almost imperceptive movement. “There’s nothing wrong. Both you and Jason seem to be doing a stunning job. Truly.”

  I sat, hearing my knees creak a bit. I knew that the stress was getting to me. I swallowed, feeling the strained sexual tension between us once more. “So. What’s the deal, then?” I was challenging him, trying to comprehend what was going on in his head.

  Xavier brought his hands apart and placed them before him, on the desk. He flexed them slightly. “Well. The thing of it is, Amanda. I’m quite worried about you.”

  I swallowed. “Worried about me?”

  He nodded. “The woman I met all those weeks ago—the woman I came to grow fond of, let’s say, would never have quit this. Would never have given this position off to another man.” He shrugged, then. “She wouldn’t have allowed this to happen.”

  I shook my head vehemently. “I can assure you, sir. I can assure you that—“

  But he interrupted me. His voice was soft. “Amanda. I want you to be happy; I don’t want what happened between us the other evening to interrupt your career. I told you before: your life is set, here. You have a job whenever you need it. This path is yours.”

  I bowed my head. “I understand that, Xavier. I’m just—I’m in shock about what happened between us. You have to understand that.”

  He tipped his head to the right, trying to gage me. “You haven’t grown close to anyone recently, have you?”

  I didn’t know what to say. Of course I hadn’t grown close to anyone. I’d been married to my career. My career was the only reason I’d gotten this far: all the way to the Oval Office, playing the part of the other woman. “I haven’t,” I murmured.

  He nodded, then. “I understand
how you must feel about all of this, of course. I understand that this is a lot to take in—that every day here must be filled with stress. Of course, you must understand that I feel the stress, too.”

  I nodded. I gazed at his solid expression. His eyes locked with mine. He felt like home; he felt like the only person I had ever trusted.

  “I had a great time with you the other night, regardless of the stress,” he began again. He looked at me with such passion. “I know that it’s awkward for you; I know that it might be too much to ask. But I’d love to get together with you again. It’s only with you—with you, Amanda—that I feel good about myself.”

  My head was spinning. Was the president of the United States really saying this to me, right then? I didn’t know what to do.

  He began again. “Know that I think about you all the time—that you are an essential part of my being. I want you to be with me, Amanda. Please.” He tipped his head forward once more. “Just one more date.” His smile skirted across his face, like he was playing a game with me. I wanted to laugh.

  But then I remembered the photos; I remembered the sheer scandal. I knew that Jason could hold this higher and higher above my head, until suddenly I was dangling beneath it, killing myself.

  I shook my head slowly, still feeling like I was about to tear up. I felt such passion in his presence, like I could find true happiness with him. But I needed to rid the thoughts from my mind. “Xavier. I appreciate the sentiment,” I began. My voice was strained. “I appreciate it a great deal. But I can’t—I can’t go with you.” His eyes looked so strained. “You have to understand that it’s not personal,” I continued. “You have to know that it’s just—it’ s just because there’s so much going on right now, you know. There’s the campaign—“

  But he just waved his hand to the side, like he was brushing off the existence of his own campaign. He stood up, showing me that muscled, taut body. He ran his smooth fingers down his suit. “If that’s your answer for now, I accept it. But only for now.” He brought his hand over the desk and caught my hand in his, shaking it. I felt such tension between us. I half wanted him to grab me by the waist, to toss me on the desk before him. There, in the oval office, I imagined that we’d fuck on the desk, against the window—calling out to all the campaign workers down the hall with such passion.