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  I remember her looking at me while she was nursing Noah. Her hazel eyes were wide with panic and fear, and she looked drained and tired.

  “It’ll pass, Jake, won’t it?” she had asked me. “Won’t it?”

  “Of course,” I had told her confidently.

  But the truth was I was terrified. I had just stumbled into fatherhood, and I didn’t have the tools or the understanding to help Daphne. She had looked at me to save her, and I had turned my face away. Had I been selfish or ignorant? Had I been too young or simply too judgmental? My head spun with the torrent of memories that threatened to sink me under the weight of its pain.

  “Daddy?” the sound of Noah’s voice gave me strength.

  “Yes, buddy?”

  “Will you help me?” he asked. “Will you help me build my ship?”

  I forced back my fears and regrets and nodded. “Of course, son,” I said. “Of course, I will.”

  Chapter Four

  Kristen

  I stared at myself in the bathroom mirror. The office was quiet this evening; many of the assistants had already cleared out for the day, and the senior staff were all attending meetings. Jake had come into the office only an hour ago after a conference on the bottom floor. It was prep for the big meeting and dinner he was hosting tonight with the Japanese client the company wanted to woo.

  He had been in a bad mood the whole day, and I had done my best to avoid him—especially since my day hadn’t been that great, either.

  My car had broken down on the way to work, which made me almost an hour late into the office. That had created a backlog of work, which had eaten into my lunch break and forced me to skip lunch altogether. Then, to add insult to injury, one of the interns from the junior departments spilled his hot coffee all over my favorite white silk blouse while I was making copies in the copy room. I’d had to spend the whole evening walking around with a giant stain on the front of my blouse.

  Then not even half an hour ago, I had run down to the water cooler to refill my thermos when Timothy Dugan, one of the assistant managers had approached me and basically started sexually harassing me. I had excused myself at the first opportunity and taken refuge in the bathroom to try and compose myself a little.

  I stared at my reflection in the mirror, wondering what on earth I was even doing here. It had been a mistake from the get-go, and I probably always knew that, but for some reason, my stubborn nature hadn’t allowed me to see that.

  I unclipped my hair and retied it quickly, pulling back the loose strands of hair that fell around my face. I ran my hands under the water and tried to rub away the stain on my blouse, but it didn’t look like it was going anywhere.

  “What an awful fucking day,” I sighed, under my breath.

  I tried to convince myself that I might still be able to salvage the evening. I would finish up here as fast as I could, then I’d head back to my apartment. order in some sushi, and binge watch something frivolous and entertaining. It didn’t even matter what. I just wanted to turn my brain off and relax. Maybe I’d even stop by the grocery store and get a couple of pints of Ben and Jerry to comfort myself.

  Feeling reasonably composed, I had decided to commit to my plan, suck it up, and head back to my desk when I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket. I checked the name on the screen and tensed up the moment I saw ‘Mom’ emblazoned there.

  “Today just keeps getting better and better,” I said to myself.

  I stared at the flashing screen for a few seconds, contemplating what to do. I decided to just let it ring. I wasn’t in the mood to talk to Mom today—especially today.

  I put my phone back in my pocket and headed back to my desk. I could hear Jake talking to someone inside his office. His tone was far from cheery, and I sensed that he was just really nervous for the dinner tonight.

  I was about to start looking through Jake’s schedule for the next week when the phone rang. I picked it up immediately and employed my corporate secretary voice.

  “Harper Maritime Company, this is Jake Middleton’s office; how may I help you?”

  “Uh…hi, I need to speak to Jake…Mr. Middleton, please,” said a tentative voice on the other line. “It’s urgent.”

  I glanced towards Jake’s closed door. “Mr. Middleton is in a very important meeting,” I said. “May I know what this is in reference to?”

  “I’m Janet, his babysitter,” Janet replied. “This is regarding his son.”

  “Is he alright?” I blurted out before I could stop myself.

  “Um…yeah, of course,” she said. “Can you please put Jake on the phone. Like I said, it’s urgent. I have a family emergency, and I have to go—right away.”

  I hesitated for only a moment. “Okay, Janet,” I said. “I will inform Mr. Middleton. I’m going to put you on hold for a few minutes, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  I put her on hold and then walked around to Jake’s door. I knocked three times and took a deep breath. After a moment, I was met with a brusque, “Yes, what is it?”

  I pushed the door open and entered hesitantly. “Excuse me, sir,” I said. “I’m sorry to disturb you—”

  “I have a lot of work to do before the dinner tonight, Kristen,” Jake said, sounding extremely annoyed. He wasn’t even looking at me as he spoke. His eyes were fastened on the computer screen in front of me. “This had better be important.”

  “It’s about your son, sir.”

  Immediately, Jake got to his feet, and I saw panic flash through his eyes. “What—”

  “He’s fine,” I said quickly, realizing what that might have sounded like to him. “He’s perfectly alright. It’s just…your babysitter is on the line.”

  More annoyance flashed across Jake’s face. “What does she want this time?”

  “She says she has a family emergency,” I said, wringing my hands together. “And she needs to leave.”

  “When?”

  “Now,” I said.

  “Now?” he repeated. “As in right this minute.”

  “That was the impression I got, sir, yes.”

  Jake groaned and walked around his desk. “She can’t do that… I have the dinner tonight.” He glanced towards his phone and spied the line that was lit up. “Is she on hold?” he asked.

  “She is.”

  Without asking me to leave, Jake pressed the button and put it on speaker. “Janet?”

  “Jake, I have to leave now.”

  “I’m paying you for the whole night.”

  “I understand that, and I’ll gladly return the money,” she said. “But I have to go.”

  “I can’t come home tonight, Janet,” Jake insisted. “Isn’t there someone who can…cover for you?”

  “My father won’t exactly be happy with a substitute daughter, Jake,” Janet replied, and she sounded just as irritated as he did. “I have to leave in the next half an hour. I expect you to be here in that time, or else I will have to leave Noah with one of the neighbors.”

  “We don’t know any of the neighbors,” Jake said.

  I took a step back towards the door, wondering if I should just leave quietly. But that seemed kind of rude, too, so I just stayed where I was as Jake battled with his babysitter.

  “Noah can make friends.”

  “Are you insane?” he demanded. “I don’t know who those people are. They could be sadists or criminals or murderers with bodies in their freezers.”

  I could hear the eye roll in Janet’s tone. “See you in half an hour, Jake,” she said. The line went dead.

  Jake stared at the machine for a second and then he turned to me as though he realized I was still standing there. “Did she just hang up on me?”

  “Uh… I think she might have.”

  “God damn it,” he said with frustration. “What the hell am I going to do? We’ve been anticipating this dinner forever. It took months of preparation to get all parties to agree to this meeting in the first place. If I’m not there, we may as well kiss this whole deal
goodbye.”

  I thought about the quiet, relaxing evening I had planned for myself not even fifteen minutes ago. I thought about my night of binge-watching, my sushi dinner, and my dessert with Ben and Jerry. It was a beautiful plan, and I needed it badly. Which was why I was so shocked at the next words that came out of my mouth.

  “I can babysit your son.”

  “Excuse me?” Jake said, turning his blue gaze on me like he couldn’t quite believe his ears. I didn’t blame him; I couldn’t quite believe my ears, either.

  “Um… I only meant if you have no other choice, and since this dinner is so important… I could… uh…babysit your son for you.”

  Jake raised his eyebrows. “That’s very nice of you.”

  “I’ve been told I’m a nice person,” I said.

  He almost smiled—almost but not quite. I could see the conflict in his eyes. He wanted desperately to take me up on my offer because he could see he had little choice left. But he was also nervous to entrust a stranger with his child.

  “I’m not a sadist or a criminal,” I said before I could stop myself. “And, I definitely don’t have any bodies in my freezer.”

  Jake’s eyes were intense and searching. He looked amused, but I wasn’t sure if I was just imagining that. “Is that right?” he asked in a cool, even voice.

  “I promise,” I said. “All the bodies are buried somewhere safe.”

  Jake raised his eyebrows, and I blushed scarlet. “Sorry,” I mumbled. “Bad joke.”

  This time I was sure one corner of his mouth went up. I realized with a start that I had never actually seen him smile.

  “You’re serious?” he asked.

  “About the bodies?” I asked, slightly confused.

  “About the offer,” Jake said pointedly, and I wanted the ground to open up right then and there and swallow me whole.

  “Of course,” I said quickly, trying to make the blushing stop. “I wouldn’t have offered if I wasn’t serious.”

  “You realize that this gig is an overnight one,” he said. “Janet always spends the night on days like this because I usually get home around two or three in the morning.”

  “Oh,” I said. I actually hadn’t realized that, but I was still not going to withdraw my offer. “Well, I’m okay with it as long as you are.”

  “How are you with kids?”

  “I used to babysit my neighbor’s kid when I was in high school,” I replied.

  “How old was the kid?”

  “Uh…seven or eight.”

  “Noah’s four,” Jake told me. “It’s a difficult age.”

  “I can handle it,” I said. “I’m good with kids. And if I have any problems, I’ll be sure to call you. But don’t worry; there won’t be any problems.”

  Jake looked hesitant only for a moment. “You’ve done good work for me, Kristen,” he said. “You’re smart and efficient, and I’ve seen how hard you work—and that is why I’m trusting you with my son.”

  “I understand that you’re nervous,” I said, without beating around the bush. “In your shoes, I’d probably be nervous, too. But don’t worry too much. I have a way with kids.”

  Jake seemed to take a breath. “Okay, then,” he said. “I’ll call Janet now and let her know that you’re the one who’s going to come and take over for her.”

  “Right.”

  “She’ll give you the house key and a list of emergency numbers to call, just in case,” Jake said. “His bedtime is nine o’clock on weekends, and he’s only allowed one hour of TV. And, if you have to feed him at any point, I’d prefer healthy snacks.”

  “Of course,” I said.

  “Ask Janet to show you the room you’ll be staying in; it’s right opposite Noah’s,” he continued. “I should be home around two or three in the morning. I’d appreciate if you kept your room door unlocked so that Noah can get to you in a hurry if he needs to.”

  “I’ll remember that,” I nodded.

  Jake walked back around to his desk. He paused for a moment, and I sensed that he felt a little awkward. “This is really nice of you. Thank you, Kristen.”

  “I’m happy to help,” I said, giving him a small smile.

  I excused myself and headed back to my desk to gather up my things. I would need to make a quick pit stop at home to grab my pajamas and a change of clothes for the next day. I was leaving the office when it hit me that I would be in Jake’s home. I would be firmly ensconced in his personal space. The thought worried me.

  I wondered how Jake would react if he knew my secret. I honestly didn’t know what I was doing. Was I really trying to help like I had claimed or was I just digging a deeper hole for myself?

  Chapter Five

  Jake

  The night had been a spectacular success. The dinner had lasted a little over three hours, but at the end of it, everyone looked suitably happy. To celebrate the closing of our deal, I had insisted on taking everyone out to a fancy bar in town. It was chic and trendy, but just formal enough to be respectable to host business colleagues, as well.

  As we got the bar, I had ordered some appetizers and a round of champagne for the whole group. There were about fifteen of us in total, and the mood had considerably relaxed since the meeting. Everyone seemed to be pleased with negotiations, and I was satisfied. This deal would make the company a shit ton of money, and I knew it meant I could relax for the next few weeks at least.

  I had been neglecting Noah a lot because of this meeting, and I wanted to make it up to him. I wondered how he was doing with Kristen tonight. I realized I had never actually spoken to Noah and told him that someone different was going to be looking after him that night. I had left that up to Janet when I should have been the one to explain it to him.

  Feeling guilty, I excused myself for a moment and headed to the end of the bar where the noise was not as prominent. I dialed the landline and waited to hear Kristen’s voice. She answered on the third ring.

  “Jake Middleton’s residence?”

  I smiled at her formal phone manner. She was obviously still playing the part of my personal assistant. “Kristen, it’s Jake.”

  “Oh, hello,” she said.

  “Is everything alright over there?”

  “Everything’s fine,” Kristen assured me. “We played some games, had dinner, and then I read him a story and put him to bed.”

  “Oh, so he’s sleeping?”

  “Yes, he is.”

  I glanced at my watch and realized that it was almost twelve at night. I shook my head, frustrated with myself. Sometimes I felt like I was doing a half ass job at this whole fatherhood thing.

  “I’ve been checking on him every fifteen minutes,” she continued. “He cut his finger earlier this evening. It was just a small cut from one of his action figures. I put a band-aid on it.”

  “Boys will be boys.”

  “Right,” Kristen said, and I could tell she was smiling.

  I fell silent for a moment, and I could sense that Kristen was waiting for me to say something. “Uh…is there anything else you wanted to know?” she asked when I didn’t say anything.

  “No… I guess I just wanted to check in and make sure everything was alright.”

  “Don’t worry about a thing,” she assured me. “I’ve got everything under control.”

  I let out a little sigh of relief. “Thank you.”

  “No problem,” she said. “How did the big meeting go?”

  I felt a little burst of triumph as I answered her. “It went really well,” I said. “We closed the deal.”

  “Wow, that’s amazing. Congratulations.”

  “Speaking of which, I’d better get back to the group.”

  “Of course,” she replied. “Goodnight.”

  I said goodbye and then hung up. Feeling momentarily comforted with the thought that Noah was okay, I headed back to my party and sat down beside Natsuo. He was a diminutive man who was much younger than I had first thought. He turned to me with a bright smile.

/>   “I must say, Mr. Middleton,” Natsuo said. “You were a surprise to me.”

  I smiled. “Please, call me Jake,” I insisted. “Why exactly was I a surprise to you?”

  Natsuo shrugged. “I suppose I was expecting someone older, someone less…scary looking.”

  I laughed. “Am I scary looking?”

  “You look like an army man.”

  “I am an army man,” I pointed out.

  “Yes, but I didn’t expect you to look like one,” he clarified.

  Another one of the Japanese delegates turned to me as well as he overheard some of our conversation. “Natsuo told us only this morning that you used to serve in the military,” Hiro said.

  “I did,” I nodded. “I enlisted when I was eighteen years old.”

  “What made you enlist?” Kazumi asked, as more and more of the group joined into our conversation.

  “The truth is, I come from a family of soldiers,” I admitted. “In fact, there’s been at least one man in every generation of my family that has served in the military since the civil war. I suppose it’s in my blood. My father was a war vet, too, and so was my grandfather before him. I wanted to enlist ever since I was a young boy. I enlisted on my eighteenth birthday, attended West Point, and spent most of my military career overseas.”

  “Any place in particular?” Hiro asked.

  “Mostly Afghanistan,” I said.

  “But you’re not in the military anymore?” Natsuo pointed out.

  I hesitated. “No… I retired after my third tour of duty.”

  “Three tours of duty,” Hiro said. “That is very impressive. What was your rank in the military?”

  “I was a major,” I replied.

  There was a murmur that went up among the group, and I saw the men look at me with obvious admiration in their eyes.

  “And now, you are CEO of a big maritime company,” Saburo said, and there was an ironic tilt to his tone.

  “I know,” I smiled, trying to keep the mood light. “Who would’ve have thought? I can’t quite believe it myself, sometimes.”