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  I thanked my mom again for watching Margie and said goodbye. After she left, I sat down on the couch to watch a movie with my beautiful, smart, funny daughter. I needed to spend more time with her.

  I started to realize how selfish it was to go get massages all the time. Both because it cost money and because it took away from spending time with Margie. As much as I enjoyed seeing Anna, I knew it wasn’t necessarily the best thing for my daughter. I held Margie close and came to a conclusion that made me a little sad.

  Chapter 4

  Anna

  Sunday drug on endlessly. It had been a rather productive day. I cleaned my house and then went into the studio to make sure everything was organized. I was a good masseuse and needed to stay fit for my clients, so I never spent a lot of extra time just laying around. I stayed busy, but my mind never drifted far from thoughts of Justin. When Monday finally arrived, I couldn’t help the way I felt.

  There were still a couple hours before Justin’s appointment, but I was already nervous. I didn’t understand why I was so nervous. I was always more excited for Justin’s appointments than my other clients. That part wasn’t new, but I had never been so nervous before one of his appointments.

  I busied myself with paperwork so I wouldn’t hype myself up too much before he got there. When I heard the front door open, I whirled around quickly with a smile already on my face. I turned to see Ally walking in. My face fell immediately. I hated to admit it, but I was disappointed it wasn’t Justin. I thought he had decided to show up a little early.

  “There’s my favorite sister,” Ally said in her “I just graduated college and don’t have much to worry about right now” voice.

  Her lack of responsibility made me a little jealous. She lived with roommates, so her rent was fairly cheap. She had a paid internship for the summer, and I couldn’t help but wonder what it was like to be her, so relaxed and care free.

  “I’m your only sister,” I said. I didn’t want to deal with her right then. I was too nervous, and I didn’t want her to sense it. I knew she would pull my leg again like she did at Justin’s fight. As hard as I tried though, I just could not seem to calm down. My face, like always, gave me away.

  “Are you okay?” she asked.

  Great, I thought to myself. Here we go. “Yeah, I’m fine. What are you doing here?” I started tapping my pen on the counter.

  “Just wanted to come by and see my sister. Is that a crime?”

  The funny thing is, she never really took the time out of her day to just stop by and see me unless she needed something. Whether it was money, or there was something she just had to tell me in person. I really did love my sister, and I tried to keep my irritation in check, but it was hard. I was sure it was just a big-sister-little-sister thing.

  “No, but I am pretty busy today,” I said, trying my best to keep my voice calm and even. If she thought I was annoyed it would just prompt her to find out what was wrong. She wouldn’t leave until she got to the bottom of it.

  She started telling me about something with her internship, but I was too focused on other things to really pay attention to what she was saying.

  “Are you listening to me?” she asked. I hadn’t responded to anything she was saying. She had been talking for a full two minutes, but for some reason, everything she had said had gone in one ear and out the other.

  “Yeah, totally,” I lied.

  Ally eyed me for a minute before she finally asked, “Why are you so nervous?”

  “I’m not,” I said. I shook my head at her like she was crazy.

  “Then stop tapping your pen on the counter,” she said, pointing at the pen in my hand. Without realizing it, I had been erratically beating it against my desk since Ally walked in. I stopped.

  “Fine. If you must know, Justin has an appointment today, and I’m a little antsy. Alright?”

  Ally laughed. “I should have guessed it was about him. Man, you have it bad for him, and you guys aren’t even seeing each other. You might as well just admit it.”

  “I do not ‘have it bad’ for him,” I said, making air quotes around what she said.

  “Yes. You do. If you just be honest with yourself, it’ll make things easier for you in the long run.”

  I let out an exasperated breath that would hopefully let her know I was not in the mood to play her games right then. “Fine. He’s hot. Are you happy?”

  “No, it’s more than just that.”

  It took everything in me to keep from shoving her out the front door and locking it behind her. I stared at her, clearly frustrated, but she just stared back with a silent challenge on her face.

  “Okay, yes. He’s hot and funny and a fucking great fighter. Which is a huge turn on for me, by the way, which I had no idea it would be. I like him a lot.” I paused when a horrifying realization dawned on me. “Oh no. You could see it all over my face, couldn’t you?”

  “I could the other night, too,” she said, reading my mind. She plopped down in a waiting chair. She picked up one of the magazines laying on the table in front of her and began mindlessly thumbing through it. “You’re really transparent,” she said, almost as if she were really bored with the subject at hand. As if it was something that should be obvious to everyone in the world.

  “Fuck. I wish I wasn’t. I don’t want him to find out so easily. I really hope I can keep my shit together,” I said.

  “I’m sure he can tell.”

  My mouth almost fell open. I didn’t know why she had to be so blunt.

  “It’s fine. He totally wants you too,” she said, still thumbing through the magazine.

  I wanted her to leave. Every word out of her mouth made me feel even worse. I was already nervous enough about seeing Justin. I did not need anything else weighing on my mind during his session.

  “You really should go,” I said. “I have to finish getting ready for my next appointment.” It was a lie. My next appointment was Justin, and that was still about an hour away. Ally was driving me crazy, and I couldn’t take it anymore.

  “You mean for Justin?” she said with a small laugh. She stood up and added, “Call me later and give me the deets. Okay? Bye. Love you!” She waved behind her and let the front door slam as she disappeared into the parking lot. Ally showing up unannounced had always been a huge pet peeve of mine. It was trumped only by her tendency to make me admit things I never wanted to admit. Like my feelings for Justin.

  With Ally gone, I felt a little less nervous, but my heart was still pounding uncomfortably inside my chest. I went back to my paperwork and reorganized a few things to pass the time. Staying busy helped keep my nerves in check.

  An hour later, right on time, Justin walked in. He seemed a little different today. His eyes looked darker, more thoughtful, and his face was downcast. It almost seemed like something was bothering him. All of his excitement from Saturday was gone.

  “Hey,” I said. I couldn’t quite pinpoint what I was feeling in the air between us. There was tension, but I didn’t know if I was imagining it. “You ready?”

  “Hey,” he said back. “Yeah, I’m ready.”

  I led him to a massage room in the back, and he stripped down to his boxers before lying face down on the cot. I usually left the room before a client changed. So, I hadn’t been expecting him to just change before I had a chance to leave the room.

  I started to massage him slowly. I worked on his shoulder blades first and slowly worked my way down his back. His muscles were a little more tense than usual, and the room was scorching. I tried to keep my mind from getting worked up, but for some reason, it was a lot harder today than it had been before. Looking at Justin’s bare skin was enough to make me sweat.

  “How was your Sunday?” I asked casually, trying to make small talk. I needed something to do to keep my mind off my wayward thoughts. If I didn’t get myself under control, I might have ended up trying to seduce him right then and there. I surely would have humiliated myself and lost a great client in the process.


  “It was good. How was yours?” he asked. His voice was muffled slightly by the table.

  “It was alright. I cleaned mostly,” I said. I paused and debated whether to keep the conversation going or not. I decided it couldn’t hurt. “Did you do anything fun?”

  “Not really.” His short answer told me I should probably stop asking questions. I didn’t know how to handle his surly mood. Justin was always a lot more talkative during our sessions. In fact, most of the time he was the one asking me the questions and not the other way around.

  But I continued to massage him slowly as I tried to get him to relax a little more. I admired his body as I worked. I admired the way all his muscles looked and felt. It was a major turn on, and sometimes, at home, I would find myself thinking about his half-naked body. All my protestations seemed ridiculous at that moment. Of course, I found Justin attractive. I always had.

  I continued to work on his backside, and when the thirty minutes were up, I asked if he wanted me to work on his front for the last thirty minutes.

  “Yeah, that would be good,” he said.

  He rolled over so I could massage his arms and chest and shins. Almost instantly, I felt a spark between us that I’d never felt before. His chest and abs were my favorite part of his body, and I couldn’t tear my eyes away as my hands glided over them. I was glad his eyes were closed. At least he wouldn’t see me staring at him like Ally had after his fight.

  The thirty minutes were up sooner than I hoped, and when he sat up, I was still standing next to the massage table. He was inches from my face. Our eyes met, and he looked at me with such intensity that I let myself think he might kiss me. Unconsciously, I leaned in half an inch. Then, he spoke and snapped me back to reality.

  “I’m so sorry, Anna. But I can’t come get massages anymore,” he said. I took a small step backward in surprise.

  “I’m sorry to hear that,” I said because I didn’t know what else to say. I was trying to remain professional, but I was incredibly confused.

  “I just can’t afford it. I have too many bills, and I need to spend more time at the gym and with my daughter. It’s just a luxury I can’t afford right now,” he explained.

  “I understand,” I said, trying to muster up my most professional smile. I stepped outside of the room and let him get dressed in private. While he got dressed, I tried to wrap my head around what just happened. I thought for sure he was going to kiss me, and instead he told me he couldn’t see me anymore. He was only talking about getting massages from me, but besides his fight the other night, we had never talked outside of work. The idea of not seeing him anymore made my stomach feel heavy.

  I stood at the counter and waited for him. When he walked up to the counter, he didn’t say anything. As he paid for the session, the air between us felt thick with unspoken tension.

  “Well…goodbye, Anna,” he said.

  “Goodbye, Justin,” I said back.

  I couldn’t help the overwhelming sadness I was starting to feel. I didn’t know him that well yet, but I thought things were starting to turn a corner for us and now he was saying goodbye. It didn’t seem like a simple, “I’ll see ya around” kind of goodbye. It felt final. At that moment, I felt like I would never see him again.

  I tried to get through the rest of the day without thinking about him, but it was hard not to. My mind kept replaying everything in my head.

  Had I done something wrong? Maybe when he saw me outside of this place, at his fight, he realized that I’m not who he thought I was. Maybe it was because I had admitted to being scared at the fight. Whatever it was, I could not help but feel like it was my fault. Like I had made some mistake along the way that made him not want to be around me.

  I was glad I had cleared my schedule for the day because I knew I wouldn’t be able to give any more massages that day. I wouldn’t be able to make it through without thinking about Justin.

  The worst part of it all was how heartbroken I felt. It made no sense. We hadn’t even kissed. I mean, we were about to right before he ran out, but it didn’t happen. And for some reason, I was feeling absolutely crushed. Ally had been wrong. She’d read Justin’s feelings for me all wrong, and it bothered me. How could she have gotten my hopes up like that?

  Even though Ally bothered me so much lately about the whole Justin thing, at that moment, I wanted nothing more than to talk to my sister. For all her faults, Ally was still my best friend. I wasn’t sure what kept me from calling her, but I decided it was better to hide the whole thing. She might be judgmental, and it would tear me apart if she told me I’d done something wrong, something to screw things up. Besides, I still needed time to wrap my own head around what happened before I involved anyone else.

  Chapter 5

  Justin

  It was finally the day of my big fight. I was at the arena again. Ready to win and forget about my problems. I was betting on myself this time, so winning was going to mean so much more than it ever had before. I had to win that night because if I didn’t, bad things were going to happen. I really did not want to find out what those things might be.

  Ever since I left Anna’s massage studio the other day, I couldn’t seem to get her off my mind. The way her face fell when I told her that I couldn’t continue my sessions was hard to take. It felt so final, and that kind of messed me up a bit. I was really starting to like her.

  I stepped into the cage as people were chanting my name, but it didn’t feel right. It felt nothing like the last time. I couldn’t focus. My game was way off. The last time I was there, the last time I was getting ready to fight, Anna was there. She was right there, in the crowd, supporting me and cheering me on. Even though she hated fighting, she still came because I asked her to. And I just let her down.

  I tried to concentrate on what was going on, but it was hard. I had barely even heard the bell ring for the first round. I tried to shake this feeling and get my head in the game.

  The guy, my newest opponent, got a couple cheap shots in, and I could hear Artie from the side line yelling at me to block better. To “focus on his weak points.” I tried, but for some reason, it was hard. I looked out into the crowd where Anna had been sitting on Saturday, and it just didn’t feel the same. The guy got me with a left hook and then a right. I was okay, not knocked out. But I still couldn’t get my head in the game. Before I looked back at him, I saw Markie in the crowd. He was smirking. That asshole. He was happy to see me lose because if I did, he would get to take me through the ringer.

  I kept forgetting how important it was for me to win that night. My thoughts were totally consumed by Anna. Why did things have to be like this?

  The guy went in for an uppercut, but I blocked it and jabbed him a couple times in the side.

  He went for my face once again, and I blocked it easily. Then, I leaned down and grabbed him by the waist. I flipped him down. Artie always told me to make sure to use my submission wrestling moves. I finally got the guy on the ground, but he was quick and had me in a head lock before I could even figure out what was going on. I tried to fight my way out, but I couldn’t. I struggled before I finally had to tap out.

  And that’s when it hit me: I just lost the fight. I just lost the bet. I’ve lost a lot of things this week, but tonight was important. Too important to screw up. I didn’t get up for a few minutes. My opponent was prancing around the cage and cheering for himself. His coach escorted him out, and Artie walked over to me.

  “What the hell was that?” he said as he helped me up.

  I shook my head. I didn’t have words to describe what had just happened. I didn’t know how to explain why I couldn’t focus. I couldn’t tell Artie it had to do with Anna. He wouldn’t understand. He’d think I was letting pussy get in the way, which was something he had warned me about on plenty of occasions.

  We made our way out of the cage, and I could see the disappointment on my fans’ faces. They seem shocked. All I could do was look at the ground. I didn’t even want to look the
m in the eyes. I couldn’t face the continuous disappointment spreading through the crowd.

  “I can’t believe you lost so easily. I just don’t understand what happened to you out there,” Artie said as we entered my changing room. He was pissed, and it was understandable. I screwed up. I barely tried in the cage. That much I knew, but I wasn’t in the mood for one of Artie’s lectures.

  “I know. I fucked up,” I said.

  “You fucked up? Is that all you think you did? That was a horrible loss. For both you and me as your coach.” Artie was almost shouting now.

  “I don’t really want to talk right now, alright?” I snapped.

  “You better pull your head out of your ass, kid,” he said. He looked at me like he wanted to say more, but he just shook his head and left.

  I felt bad for snapping at him. He was a good coach and a great guy, but he didn’t know about the bet. He didn’t know how much was really at stake for me that night. It wasn’t just this fight and my reputation; it was so much more than that. I was furious with myself.

  I changed and made my way home. At that point, I just wanted to get home and go to bed. I wanted to forget that night even happened.

  As I made my way home, I replayed the fight in my head. I had spent so much time consumed by Anna not being there that I let myself get distracted. I missed some really easy shots. I basically let the guy win. I hated myself for it, but I hated that Anna wasn’t there even more.

  When I pulled into the driveway, my neighbor, Tiffany, was there. My mom couldn’t watch Margie tonight, and Tiffany was a great substitute. She was another girl that Margie adored.

  “Thank you for watching her tonight,” I said, trying not to sound too down. I didn’t want her to try and talk to me, to pry into my life. She had tried to do it a few times before, and I would humor her with small details, but I just couldn’t do it then. After losing the fight, I couldn’t handle it.