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  I fell back on the bed, exhausted. The high crept up on me. It felt like being filled up with warm air. I started feeling better immediately, but it only lasted until I realized what I had done again.

  What I was still doing.

  Was it even worth getting mad about anymore? I was sick. I had gone, what? Twelve or so hours without my stuff and my body told me no way.

  I lay there for a while, waiting to feel well enough to get up again. The drug made my headache disappear, but I knew I was still technically hungover. I got up and walked around the room, finally able to take it in since I'd woken up. The sliding double doors onto the terrace were open and I wondered whether I had done it or housekeeping had come through when I was passed out.

  I walked back inside. I needed more water. And food probably; had I eaten since I'd gotten here? I wasn't really that hungry, but it would probably help me with my hangover when I'd come down enough to feel it again.

  I walked through the living area to get another water when I stopped. The piano. It was there. The girl who'd brought me up to my suite had told me they'd gotten me one, but I was just then really looking at it.

  I walked over. It was nice. White instead of traditional black, probably so it didn't clash with the way the rest of the room was decorated. They'd had to move some of the furniture around to make it, fit but it wasn't that obvious if you didn't know it wasn't technically supposed to be there. I ran a hand over the smooth, painted wood before I lifted the cover to look at the keys.

  The piano was always my favorite. Ever since I used to sit on the bench with my mother as a kid, obstructing her while she tried to play. She was a classically trained pianist, but hadn't gone into a musical career, making it her hobby instead.

  I still had her piano. It was an antique grand piano that my father had gotten her, which he had refused to give me many times before he finally let me have it. Rumor was she used to play when she was pregnant with me, so I'd been listening to classical music since before I was born. I didn't know whether that was true, but it wasn't a bad thing to imagine.

  I sat down, ghosting my fingers over the keys. She could play anything. I remembered being so impressed by how well she knew all the dead masters' music. She was my piano teacher until I started going to school and it became too inconvenient for her to do it anymore.

  I played a couple keys. Then a couple more. My fingers knew where to go. Chopin. “Nocturne number one.” B flat major. My dad would listen to classical music sometimes when he worked, too. Neither of them had ever drilled me to practice. I always loved it. It had always been one thing I knew they were happy that I did, and that just made me love it more.

  I knew the piece by heart. I didn't need any sheet music. I used to be able to lose hours sat at the piano. Something about it was so calming to me.

  Not just the sound of the music, but the action, too. It felt so productive, like the music was inside of me, and the piano was just the way it got out. At some point, my headache dulled a little, and I felt myself get lost in the rhythm of playing – remembering the song, hearing it inside my head before I played the keys.

  By the time I was done, it was already past one. I decided to take a shower. I needed one. I grabbed a Snickers bar from the refreshment center, too, since I hadn't eaten anything since I'd gotten here. I was doing this wrong. This wasn't how you had a vacation. Whatever, I could just start today. Today was my real first day.

  After the shower, I looked at the in-room dining menu before I stopped. What was I doing? Why was I still hiding? It was safe here. I didn't need to hide out. Nobody had recognized me, and if they had, they didn't care. I was just another guy here. I went down to the first floor.

  Last night was foggy at best, but I had definitely gotten drunk, so I had definitely gone to a bar. Did they also serve food? Where had it been? Definitely not in here; it was outside somewhere. I left the main building looking around like I was seeing everything for the first time. People were laid out in their swimsuits by the pool. Yeah, the place might have been near the pool, I kind of remembered almost falling into it.

  I looked around and spotted it, separated from the pool by a small, palm-covered lawn. It was open air with a palm leaf thatched roof. I grabbed a stool and sat down.

  "Hey. You made it through the night," the bartender said, coming up to me. I looked at him and when he didn't look away, I realized he was talking to me.

  "Sorry. You might think I'm someone else," I told him. Fuck, did he know who I was? Why was I so popular with bartenders?

  "Nate?" he asked. "Hulopoe suite? You're here from LA?" I nodded slowly.

  Clearly, this guy knew who I was. I tried, I really did, to remember this guy, but I couldn't. I was hungover when I'd woken up so I had been drinking, apparently here, but this guy? Couldn't pick him out of a lineup. He had black hair that was cropped really close to his scalp. We could have been the same age. Hawai'ian. Pretty strong accent.

  "What'd you put in that Fireball last night?" I asked jokingly.

  "Are you okay? I had to cut you off last night when you wouldn't leave. You closed the bar down."

  "Hey, whatever I did, I'm sorry. I was blacked out. I don't remember anything."

  "I can see that," he said, laughing. "I'm Keno.”

  “Do I have to write someone a check? Did I fight someone?”

  “No, you were just very thirsty. Hey, sorry about your ex-wife.” I cringed. I had told him about Kirsten? Oh God. Had I started crying or something? Fuck, I couldn’t believe it.

  “Listen, whatever I said, let’s just call it drunken ramblings and start over,” I offered hopefully.

  “You want it stricken from the record, consider it gone,” Keno said with an easy smile. “How’s your head?”

  “Pounding.”

  “You really put it away last night. I practically had to carry you back to the suite.”

  “You took me upstairs? God, I hope you bought me dinner first,” I joked. He laughed. He seemed like a cool guy. I could deal with a blackout. At least no one was suing me.

  “Have you eaten yet?”

  “Not yet. I’m trying to get rid of this hangover. I feel like shit.”

  “Here, try some of this,” he said. He poured a cloudy liquid into a glass and topped it off with something clear. He slid it over to me.

  “What is it?”

  “Hangover cure.” I picked up the glass and brought it cautiously to my mouth. It smelled sweet. I took a sip. There was coconut in there and something acidic, but I couldn’t place it.

  “Drink, drink. All of it,” he urged. I frowned and downed the liquid. It burned slightly, making me think there might have been a little alcohol in there. I finished it and put the glass down.

  “You’ll be good as new in no time,” he told me.

  “Thanks. I’ll see you around,” I said, leaving before I started drinking and we had a repeat of the night before. I still hadn’t found anywhere to eat. I walked back to the main building, actually feeling a little better. Whatever island potion Keno gave me worked, I thought. I thought vaguely about going back to the suite and just ordering in-room again.

  “Oh, Mr. Stone,” I heard someone say, stopping me in my tracks. In front of me was the front desk girl. What was her name? Abby.

  “Hey,” I said.

  “How is everything? How was your morning?” she asked. My morning? I slept through it because I had gotten blackout drunk the night before. Oh, and then I’d gotten up and shot heroin in my veins.

  “Fine,” I said to her.

  “Is everything okay?” she asked. My headache was finally gone, but no, everything was pretty fucked up. Standing there with her looking at me I felt like she knew somehow, and it felt like shit. I nodded and turned my back to her, heading for the elevator to take me up to my room.

  Once I got inside, I went straight for the bed where I had my kit. I picked it up, suddenly torn about shooting up again. I was in such an awesome hotel, this place was way too
nice to come and do shit like this. The staff seemed like really good people. They deserved guests who weren’t coming here to get high.

  I started opening it up before I stopped and dropped it on the bed again. I left the room. If it was far away from me, I wouldn’t feel like using. I tried to look for that menu to make a food order to the room. I felt like the drugs were loud in the other room. I could feel them in there.

  I shut my eyes knowing I’d already lost. I was flat on my back on the bed with a needle in my arm before I even made my food order.

  Chapter Six

  Abby

  Because of the schedule I had at the hotel, weeks more or less bled into each other. That meant the summer felt like one big stretch of activity. Parties, people, good times. It could get pretty busy, with so many people and so many different things happening at once, but I loved it. I thrived on it.

  Every day was different, though, so it didn't get routine or boring. I felt like people were their best selves when they came here. Everyone seemed to always be happy. I didn't know what it was – the weather, all the good food, the professionalism and warmth of the Four Seasons staff? Everything combined? Whatever it was, it made my job that much easier since everyone seemed just as pleased to be here as I was to have them.

  That was the thing about hotels. Whether people were there just for their honeymoon or were there for a month, they were all living there. It was their home for as long as they were there. A home but better because not everyone had twenty-four-hour concierge and all the amenities of an award-winning, five-star resort at their disposal when they were at their real homes.

  I worked at the hotel, so I knew how much work went into keeping everything running. It would probably surprise a lot of people how demanding the hospitality industry was. It was all love, though. It could be hard, but ultimately, it was rewarding, especially if you liked working with people. It was a lot of fun, too. Every time there was a luau, I got to go, too.

  It was just after noon and a few people had already come by the front desk or called to ask for more information about the luau happening that night. I was excited for the first one of the season. I'd been to enough at the hotel and just held by friends to know how they went, but for many people, it was going to be their first experience of Hawai'ian culture, and that made me excited.

  Makani got off the phone beside me after answering questions to a hotel guest about just that before she turned and looked at me.

  "Another one?"

  "Yeah. The turn out's going to be pretty great tonight."

  "Sounds like it," I said. Makani frowned at me.

  "Are you all right? Why don't you sound excited? You usually love these things."

  "I do. I was just thinking about something. Well, actually someone."

  "Who? No, wait. Let me guess. Our esteemed guest in the Hulopoe suite?" she said knowingly. I nodded.

  "I was just thinking about whether he'd show up or not."

  "Have you seen him since he checked in?"

  "Not really. Just in passing. I know it's a big place, but nobody else really has, either. He was at the bar a couple times the day after he checked in, but that's it. It's like he's boarded himself in there. He hasn't done anything here on the grounds. He doesn't even come out of there for his meals. He orders in."

  "We don't offer in-room dining so the guests don't use it."

  "You know what I mean, Makani," I sighed.

  "I don't. He's on vacation. He probably came here so he could relax and people do that in different ways. He has television, Wi-Fi, food up there. He doesn't really need to leave if he doesn't want to. Maybe snorkeling and hiking aren't his idea of fun."

  "So he came here to look at the inside of his suite for three months?" I asked. She shrugged.

  "Maybe that's exactly what he did."

  "I don't think he's okay," I admitted.

  "Why? Because he's a person who enjoys his own company?"

  "I just think maybe something's wrong. It's been a week. Even if people don't end up doing anything while they're here, they'll at least come out of their rooms."

  "It's like he's insulting you personally for not liking golf," Makani said.

  "Joseph told me to get his suite ready for him, and I told him that he could look for me if he needed anything. I feel sort of responsible that he has a good time."

  "As a concerned member of the Four Seasons staff, right?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. My eyes widened at what she was suggesting.

  "Of course," I said, a little insulted.

  "This has nothing to do with the fact that you're a fan?"

  I shook my head. "I'm working, and he's a guest at the hotel. Him having a good stay is part of my job and responsibility." Makani nodded her head slowly like she still didn't believe me, but was going to let me get away with this one.

  "All right. Go invite him to the luau. You're so worried about him not having a good time, go threaten him with one."

  "You think I should?" I asked.

  "If nothing else, go up there and make sure he didn't die when we weren't looking. Either way, you'll get what you want. You'll go up there and see what's been keeping him or you'll finally get him out taking part in all the complimentary activities he's paying for whether or not he does take part."

  I thought about it. She was right. Even if he was up there and hadn't been out for a week because he preferred it that way, then I'd know and would be able to rest knowing he was okay.

  "Are you okay down here for a few minutes?" I asked her.

  "Go. I've got this," she said, waving me away. Before going up, I grabbed some pamphlets from the concierge: the ocean activities one, the wilderness activities one, and the cultural activities one. There had to be something he liked from those three. If nothing else, then golf. Just anything. I couldn't imagine coming to Hawai'i and spending all my time inside.

  I got to the second floor and stopped at his door. I inhaled deeply, knocking. I waited, not hearing any activity on the other side. I tried again, knocking a little harder. The door was yanked open just as my fist was coming to meet it.

  Nate Stone was standing in the doorway of his suite pulling a robe over his shoulders. He was wearing that, underwear, and nothing else. The underwear was stretchy, tight over his hips and crotch. So tight that I didn't want to look back down there to see just how tight. Christ Almighty, was this guy hot. I knew what he looked like without his shirt on, but it was different seeing it in real life. Different and distracting.

  We were in the same space. I wasn't just looking at a picture of him, he was looking back. My eyes went down his body slowly before coming back to his face. He was fit and muscular, with ridges in his abdomen and two lines like a “v” at his hips, tapering down and disappearing under his underwear.

  What had I come up here to do again? Oh right.

  "G-good afternoon, Mr. Stone," I stammered. I cleared my throat. He came closer, leaning against the doorframe, crossing his arms. The movement made the robe move over his chest, tightening the large muscles there. Oh my God, could he at least tie it closed? I felt myself blush. Should I leave and come back when he's dressed?

  I was trying to be professional. I had come up here to check on him to make sure he was okay. Well, he certainly looked that way. More than okay. A lot more than okay.

  "Call me Nate. Abby?" he said, furrowing his brow a little like he was trying to remember my name.

  "Right. Abby. I'm Abby," I said stupidly. Oh my God, when did I stop knowing how to form whole sentences?

  "Is something wrong? I don't think I called the front desk today," he said. I looked at him, getting a better look now that he was closer. His hair was messy and his eyes had dark circles under them, like he hadn't been getting much rest. He looked like he'd been stressed, like he hadn't taken that trip to the spa that I had suggested.

  "You didn't," I said.

  "You guys make personal room calls?" He cocked one brow asking me the question. I hoped I wasn't annoyi
ng him.

  "No. We're just a little concerned, Mr. Stone. Nate," I started. "The Hulopoe suite's one of the best in the hotel, but you haven't been outside for days." He tilted his head a little, looking surprised.

  "What? Are there cameras in here? Are you spying on me?" he asked.

  "No, not at all. With everything to do on the island, we're just surprised you haven't done anything yet."

  "I'm good. Thanks," he said. I held the pamphlets out.

  "If you change your mind," I said. He took them and looked at them. "In fact, there's a luau tonight on the luau grounds near the beach," I said.

  "Oh yeah?" he said, not looking up.

  "It's the first one of the summer. There will be food, music, and performances," I said. He still hadn't looked up.

  "Uh-huh," he said. I blinked. Maybe this had been a mistake.

  "Hope to see you there," I tried to say brightly. He nodded, didn't even bother making a sound that time. I opened my mouth to tell him good afternoon, but stopped. I turned and started walking away quickly.

  Had I been bothering him that much? What was wrong? Why was he in such a bad mood?

  I sighed, wishing I'd said something a little different. Even if he was in a bad mood, that didn't mean he had to act like that. What was that thing people said about never meeting your idols? I never imagined he'd be so dismissive. Even if he didn't want to talk to me, he could have at least said it, not treated me like I hadn't been standing right there.

  Maybe Makani was right: he didn't want to be disturbed. He wanted to enjoy Hawai'i from the great indoors. He wasn't going to come down to the luau. He was perfectly happy in there. If that was the case, then who was I to tear him away from his happy place?

  You can't get them all, I thought, coming back down to the lobby. I had made the invitation. If he really didn't want it, then so be it. As long as he was doing whatever made him happy.

  I got back behind the desk, flopping down into my seat.

  "How'd it go? Is he dead?"

  "He’s fine. He’s also not coming."

  "He said he wouldn't?"

  "He didn't have to. He was pretty upset that I'd gone up there."