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  “Mila—”

  “I’m not scared of you,” she said, as her eyes snapped up to meet mine. “Ok?”

  I raised my eyebrows. “Ok,” I nodded.

  “I just… my whole life has been a series of bad choices and shitty luck,” Mila said. “And when it comes to men… I don’t ever make the right decisions. I choose assholes that don’t treat me right. I choose men who don’t actually give a shit about me.”

  I opened my mouth to tell her that that wasn’t true in my case. I did give a shit about her. But the words froze on my tongue, and I realized I had never been that honest with anyone in my life. I wasn’t used to tender words or sentimental displays of affection. I was exactly the brute that Mila said I was. I shut my mouth and waited for her to finish her thought.

  “I choose dangerous men,” Mila went on. “Maybe in some twisted way I actually believe that those men will protect me. They’re strong and confident and powerful, and I assume that I will be safe with them, but it’s just not true. It was true of Walter, and it’s true of you. I’m not saying you’re like him because I don’t actually believe you are. But you are still a dangerous man, and you live a dangerous lifestyle and… I’m not interested in being used until you get sick of me.

  “Because you will get sick of me at some point, right?” Mila asked. “You said it yourself… all you wanted from me was a good fuck.”

  I wanted to tell her that that wasn’t true. I had only been trying to hurt her because her rejection had hurt me. But that was a little more honest than I was capable of at this point.

  She was looking at me as though she expected me to say something. And I did have lots I needed to say. I just didn’t have the courage to actually say them. “I guess there’s nothing more to say then,” I said.

  I wondered if it was my imagination or if Mila looked slightly disappointed. She nodded and turned away from me. I could see only her profile. With her silky waterfall of auburn hair and her light blue eye sparkling in the muted light, she definitely didn’t look like she belonged here. A part of me realized that she deserved better too. She deserved more than a man like me… a man with baggage that I would carry around with me for the rest of my life.

  I was about to turn for the door when I changed my mind. “You know what… fuck that,” I said, turning back to her. “I was there this morning, and I’m pretty sure you felt everything I felt this morning. You wanted me, but something is holding you back.”

  Mila glanced at me. “Yes,” she nodded, at last.

  “And you’re not going to tell me what that is?”

  I saw Mila’s jaw clench. “Why should I be honest with you?” she demanded. “You haven’t been honest with me.”

  She did know that I had lied about the reason for my falling out with my father. She was far more perceptive than I had first realized. But I was feeling a little better because this proved that whatever stood between us was not dead yet. There was still hope. I didn’t know what that hope was for exactly, and at the moment I didn’t care to.

  “Goodnight, Mila,” I said, without reply. Then I walked out of her room.

  Chapter 12

  Mila

  The training ring was empty today, and I took advantage of the peace and quiet. I had come to genuinely enjoy training, and sometimes I would sneak in on my own to train by myself for a little while. With each passing day, I felt stronger, more confident, and more in control. A lot of it had to do with Zack’s training, but it was also more than that.

  It had been three days since Zack had barged into my room and demanded that I tell him why I had freaked out on him and run. We had been avoiding each other a little bit, coming together only for training sessions and going our separate ways immediately after.

  That conversation I had had with him had opened my mind up, however. In the aftermath of it all, I had sat on my bed and had an epiphany. I had only been making excuses, hoping he would buy one and leave, but in the process, I had stumbled across a few unpleasant truths. Everything I had told Zack was the truth. I was attracted to dangerous men, and a huge reason for that was because I believed they would protect me.

  I had hung my hopes on men my whole life, and they had always and unfailingly let me down. In fact, they had done more than just let me down. They had used me and abused me and taken advantage of my trust. Now I realized that I couldn’t count on anyone else; it was up to me to take control of my life and to protect myself. I needed to stop looking to others for protection, and I needed to start protecting myself.

  This realization had set off a burning new determination inside me, and whenever I had a spare minute, I would train. I would read up on fighting skills. I would go over my weak points and my best moves in my head until I was dreaming of daggers and defensive positions and fancy kicks.

  If Zack noticed my new zeal for training, he didn’t mention it. It seemed he was also preoccupied with his own shit, and I wasn’t about to pry. I had my secrets, and he had his, and neither one of us were ready to share just yet. That much was obvious.

  “Hey.”

  I turned in the direction of the voice and found Devon standing there by the ring, observing me with a look that suggested he was surprised to see me there.

  “Hi,” I replied, relaxing my position and walking towards him. “What are you doing here?”

  “I asked where you were, and the boys pointed me in this direction.”

  I smiled. “Yeah, I thought I’d get in a little extra training.”

  “By yourself?”

  “Why not?” I asked. “I’ve been reading up too… so I have more teachers than just Zack.”

  Devon nodded, and he looked a little thoughtful and amused at the same time.

  “What?” I asked.

  “Nothing,” he said, shaking his head. “It’s just… when I first brought you here, I thought you’d be a fish out of water. And you were… at first. But now… look at you.”

  I actually looked down at myself. “Why… what do I look like now?” I asked.

  “You look like you belong here,” Devon pointed out. “You look like you could be part of this lifestyle. Which is only funny because you hate it so much.”

  I frowned. “I don’t… hate it.”

  “No?” Devon asked, with raised eyebrows.

  I smiled as he entered the ring and sat down by the ropes. I joined him on the floor and set my dagger down. “Well, there are aspects of it that I still don’t like much,” I admitted. “But I think living with your guys these last couple of weeks… it’s made me realize certain things.”

  “Like what?”

  “Like maybe this kind of living isn’t all about fights and violence and big dick contests with rival clubs,” I conceded. “There’s a sense of camaraderie and brotherhood that even I can feel. You guys band together for each other. You guys are there for each other.”

  “That is the point,” Devon nodded.

  “I guess I just didn’t get it because I had only the stereotypes to fall back on,” I said. “And maybe… I was being a little judgmental.”

  “A little?” Devon asked, raising his eyebrows.

  I laughed. “Ok, fair enough. I was really judgmental. But I’m man enough to admit that I was wrong.”

  Devon nodded. “I wish that I had some good news to tell you,” he said. “But unfortunately, we still haven’t been able to dig up anything on Walter Black… or whoever his real name is.”

  “It’s so weird,” I said, shaking my head. “I went to the police right after he almost tried to kill me. The cop kept me waiting for hours, and when he got back to me, he said that Walter had already cleared out of the apartment.”

  “That’s when you decided to call me?”

  “Yes,” I nodded. “It didn’t feel like the cop I spoke to even wanted to help me.”

  “He didn’t,” Devon said. “He wanted to help the other guy.”

  I frowned. “Walter?”

  “It’s the only explanation that makes s
ense,” Devon nodded. “How else would Black have known to have clear out so soon after you left? By the time I went by his apartment, he had disappeared completely. The cop you spoke to would have tipped him off.”

  “But how—”

  “Half the cops have been bought by Godwin,” Devon told me. “And you stumbled across one of his guys.”

  “Fuck,” I sighed. “Just my luck.”

  “I wish you had called me first without going to the police,” Devon said. “We handle our business without getting the cops involved.”

  “It’s not like they’re much involved anymore,” I pointed out, to which Devon nodded. “But in any case… I didn’t think I could call you.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “We were never exactly close, Devon,” I pointed out.

  “Fuck that,” he said. “We’re family. Family doesn’t have to be ‘close.’ We still show up when the shit hits the fan.”

  I smiled and nodded. “I’ll remember that the next time. In any case… I think we qualify as close now.”

  “You think?” Devon asked, with a small smile.

  “I think so,” I nodded, bumping into him from the side in a gesture of familial affection.

  His smile grew a little wider. He may have been my brother, but there was so much I still didn’t know about Devon. There was so much I hadn’t even bothered to ask him because I had been so wrapped up in my own shit.

  “Devon?”

  “Hmm?”

  “Where do you go when you’re not here?”

  Devon glanced at me. “Home,” he said.

  “You live close by?”

  “About fifteen minutes away,” he replied. “I have a tiny apartment in a very uncool neck of the woods. I would have let you stay there, but it’s too cramped. Plus staying at the clubhouse gives you more protection.”

  “Do you…have a girlfriend?” I asked tentatively, wondering if he would share with me.

  He smiled. “Sort of.”

  “Sort of?” I asked, immediately interested.

  “Her name is Jessica,” Devon replied. “We’ve been seeing each other for about six months now.”

  “Six months?” I repeated. “That’s quite a while.”

  “It didn’t get serious until recently.”

  “She knows about your lifestyle?” I asked.

  “She does,” Devon nodded. “And she was a little… ambivalent at first. But I’m easing her into it. I think she was more scared about having her kids exposed to such a rough way of living.”

  “She has kids?” I asked.

  “Two,” Devon replied. “A son and a daughter. Mika’s four and Chrissy’s five. Their father left them high and dry right after Mika was born. Jessica’s raised them by herself from the very beginning. Her mother helps a lot, but she’s done most of the heavy lifting on her own.

  “Sounds like a tough chick.”

  “Definitely,” Devon nodded, and I noticed how his eyes brightened when he spoke about her.

  “I’d like to meet her one day,” I said. “No pressure though.”

  Devon smiled. “First, we find Walter Black,” he said. “Then I’ll make introductions.”

  I nodded, satisfied with that promise. “So… do you think you’ll marry this girl?” I asked.

  Devon hesitated for a moment. “I never thought about myself as the marrying type. It’s not always conducive to this kind of lifestyle.”

  “Lonny’s married,” I pointed out.

  “Lots of the guys are,” Devon said. “Well, maybe not a lot… but a decent amount comparatively. It can be done… I just, it takes a very specific woman to sign on for this.”

  I nodded. “True.”

  “Jessica is… very important to me,” Devon said. “And I do hope we have a future, but… it’s complicated.”

  I sighed, as I thought of my own complicated personal life. “I get that,” I nodded, with sympathy.

  “So… what’s the deal with you and Zack?” Devon asked.

  I hesitated, taken off guard with the question. “I… um… what… there’s no deal with Zack and me,” I said, tripping over my own words so much that it didn’t sound convincing at all.

  “If you remember, I walked in on the two of you making out the first night we brought you here,” Devon reminded me.

  I groaned. “We weren’t making out,” I said defensively. “And that was… taken out of context.”

  Devon laughed. “Can a kiss be taken out of context?”

  I sighed. “It’s complicated.”

  “Obviously.”

  “He’s completely wrong for me,” I said, trying to convince myself at the same time. “In every single way, and the two of us definitely don’t have a future together… not that Zack even wants a future with me.”

  “But you do?” Devon asked.

  “What?”

  “You just said that Zack doesn’t want a future with you,” Devon pointed out. “You never mentioned yourself.”

  “Didn’t I?”

  “Nope.”

  “Well I meant to,” I said quickly.

  Devon was looking at me pointedly, and I could tell that he didn’t quite believe me. “I’m attracted to him, ok?” I said. “I don’t want to be, but I am. But I was attracted to Walter, too, before I realized he was a complete and total psychopath. I need to stay away from men who are bad for me.”

  “Fair enough,” Devon nodded. “But you should know something about Zack.”

  “Ok?”

  “He’s persistent, and he’s smart about it. He plays the long game,” Devon told me. “If he sees something he wants, he will keep at it, till he gets what he wants. And from what I’ve seen… he seems to want you.”

  “Not really,” I said, and I tried to keep the disappointment from my tone. “He wants to sleep with me. That’s about all he’s interested in, and I’m willing to bet anything that once he does, he’ll lose all interest in me.”

  Devon paused for a moment. “That is his pattern,” he confirmed.

  I had been expecting that answer, but it still hurt a little to hear it. “Zack has earned my grudging respect,” I told Devon. “He’s a strong leader and a skilled fighter. And I appreciate the fact that he’s given me his protection and his expertise in fighting. But he’s not getting anything more from me that I’m not willing to offer. Just because he wants me doesn’t mean he’s going to get me.”

  Devon nodded. “I believe you.”

  I bit my lower lip and turned my eyes down to the floor. I was glad that Devon believed me because there were moments when I found it hard to believe myself. It was harder than anyone knew for me to resist Zack, especially when it was clear we both wanted the same thing. But I needed a man who would understand certain things about me. I needed a man who could be tender and loving and understanding, and I was pretty sure that Zack was not capable of that.

  “Wanna show me what you’ve learned so far?” Devon asked, breaking through my train of thought.

  “Sure,” I nodded, jumping to my feet and blocking out everything else.

  Chapter 13

  Zack

  “Well?” I asked, immediately after Devon and Bones walked through the door. “Did you speak to the informant?”

  “We never got a chance to,” Devon replied, and I realized he looked pale and angry.

  “What happened?” I said urgently, standing up and walking towards them.

  “Someone got to him before we did,” Bones replied. “His throat had been split.”

  I froze. “Fuck.”

  “It’s definitely Godwin and his men.”

  “No shit,” I said, through gritted teeth. “What was the point of killing him?”

  “He said he had information to give us on Walter Black,” Devon replied. “Apparently Godwin didn’t want us to know that information.”

  “Looks like I’m not the only one barking for revenge,” I said. “He’s doing his best to piss me off.”

  “He’s
still going to claim that we were the ones who broke the truce first,” Bones pointed out.

  “How?”

  “We stole away one of their women.”

  My eyes bulged. “One of their women?” I repeated. “Mila’s Devon’s sister.”

  “I don’t think they’ll see it that way,” Devon said. “Mila was Walter’s girlfriend, and the truce was built on the agreement that neither club goes after any of the other’s people.”

  “Family beats any other relationship any day,” I said. “Mila’s connected to the Fallen Angels through blood. How the fuck is she connected to Walter?”

  “You know how the Knights are about their women,” Bones said, and I felt my fists clench.

  “I know,” I replied darkly.

  “Do you have a game plan here?” Bones asked. “Are we just going to continue to make noise and try to smoke this guy out? Or are we going to take a more direct route?”

  “What would be a direct route?” I asked with a frown.

  “Orchestrate a meeting with Godwin.”

  “Fuck that,” I said immediately. “I’m not meeting with that fucking asshole. None of you are to approach him or any other members of his crew… Understood?”

  “Understood,” Devon nodded.

  Bones looked a little unhappy, but he nodded finally.

  “Are you so ready for a fight?” I asked him.

  “He’s a threat to all of us,” Bones responded. “And by lying low and waiting for him to make the first move, we’re putting ourselves in the weaker position. We’ll be forced to go on the defensive.”

  “And we may live longer for it,” I said. “Godwin has more men than we have.”

  “But we have stronger fighters.”

  “We think,” I pointed out. “We haven’t gone head to head with any of them since the truce, and that was years ago. We barely know their set up anymore. We heard months ago that he lost his deputy, his second-in-command, but we don’t know who he was replaced by. We can’t go on the offensive when we don’t know what we’re getting into. For all we know, Godwin has been planning this for months.”